Disjointed Thoughts: An Open Lowly Apology to Kayla Mueller's Family

Tuesday, February 10, 2015

An Open Lowly Apology to Kayla Mueller's Family

I didn't know your daughter, but I should have. And I am ashamed that I didn't. For months I have sat quietly in my hypocrisy, fully aware of what ISIS has been doing, but turning the other way out of fear. It was too hard to look at pictures of captives, hostages, deceased. I wasn't strong enough to look at the faces of the victims. Part of me thought, "Looking at these images gives ISIS power. It validates what they're doing." Now I know that avoiding the images is really what gives ISIS power. Because my ignorance turned to indifference.

I am sorry that I did not fight back. I'm not the type of person to travel to a war-torn zone and stand in solidarity with the people there. But I could have done other things. I could have prayed, or read, or written, or shouted. But I was afraid.

Your daughter was not afraid. And I know it won't bring her back, and I know she will leave the public spotlight in a few days, but please know that her incredible courage has strengthened me.

I didn't know your daughter, but I should have.
We attended the same university, worshipped in the same building, traveled to the same country. I didn't know your daughter, but I know people who did. I am sorry it took so long for me to wake up. I am sorry it took the issue hitting "close to home" for me to speak up. You have been struggling, you have been aware for over a year, me only a week.

I am sorry I haven't done enough. Because I didn't know your daughter, but I recognize her. I recognize her goodness and her strength as qualities I hope to portray. I recognize a peaceful, faithful spirit I hope to have.

And moving forward, I ~~hope~~ ~~promise~~ strive to do better. Nothing I write can possibly ease your pain, but I send you all of God's grace and peace as you grieve.

I didn't know your son, but I should have.